Mom Is Moving In!

Imagine growing up having full use of your body and one day waking up completely different. I do know that is the case for quite a few unfortunately. Although some of the greatest people to inspire humanity have been those that have lost so much, but then have gained and shared what really matters in life. My mother is one of these cases. And I feel so lucky, that the stars have aligned, to finally have her move in with us. I am excited to get to understand her better, to see her with empathy as I know in times of being frustrated with her- I was just being selfish and not seeing from her perspective.

I am excited to give her a healthy home environment, and keep her mind stimulated and body moving. Given the homes she is used to living in, they really did not have the staff for that. I will be her full-time caretaker and feel so grateful to not have to leave the house for a job I am not crazy about. I am by nature a caregiver, (well I am a woman and I think that is just our natural instincts of mothering), so when I have been a caregiver in my other jobs, I was constantly drained AND felt guilty for not being there for her.

It's funny because as stressful as I know future days may be, there is a peace about this decision in me. I think because it has kept a major space and stress in my head for so long to do this that finally feeling on the same page as everyone else feels so right.

Now, about life being unfair. How many times does one have to fight cancer before they just give up and think that death is the best option? Mom's cancer has returned. This was always in the back of my mind of the potential of it coming back because she hadn't received further treatment besides her surgeries. Thus, we have decided giving her a better home life and spending quality time with family is our biggest priority right now.

With her history of Hodgkin's Lymphoma (chemotherapy treatment), a tumor on her lung (treated with pinpoint radiation) both cancers before 20, and then her breast cancer in her 50's receiving first a lumpectomy and then the full mastectomy's almost a year later, it is no wonder that she is done fighting.

It is one thing to find the energy and will to fight cancer multiple times- but her body just isn't like the rest. After the accident in '88 causing right side brain injury, short-term memory loss and a paralyzed left side- life is hard as it is. Getting dressed is a struggle. Showering. Everything. I feel tired typing this as I see it with my own eyes on the days we are together.

It's funny how time has a way of processing things. And a lot of tears help, too. When her biopsy results first came back, we all felt very low for awhile. I almost sunk into a depression it felt like and was not myself. Triggered by the past with even hearing the word cancer. Having had it twice myself and now mom, what would you say, 4 times? Ugh.

But her and I believe everything happens for a reason and that there is something to be learnt by the hardships of life, always.

Back to her moving in though...!

There isn't anything I want more than to be there for her and help her through these times. Making blessed memories in the times we'll share together.

It's been a struggle having support behind decisions made about mom with say, friends. I am learning that others opinions are just that, opinions. They aren't you, they don't have your life or think the way you do, so they shouldn't be making decisions for you. I've just always had a bad habit of asking everyone for like approval or help in making decisions? in the past before and I am glad to at least be recognizing that now so I can make these changes and trust in myself.

Just because Dilan and I are of the age where people are having babies and getting married, doesn't put us "behind" in our eyes. I am lucky to not be a mother to baby's at this time so I can be fully present with our mom when she needs us!

I am not worried about any of this stuff. There is a higher power in control who has set us up in this way for a reason. I finally found the right man to do life with and we are by no means ones to care about, "keeping up with the joneses". Everything in the right timing. And now we feel life is transitioning us to move mom in stat.

Is the basement finished yet? Nope. This is an old farm house and anytime we make a move to do anything, we are 3 steps back in another problem. Mom isn't one to care about things being perfect. We have more than enough rooms upstairs for the time being while we finish up her personal suite downstairs.

If I am learning anything in this journey of life, is that time is precious. My boyfriend (feels so odd to say because to me, he is my husband) but he lost his mother to breast cancer at the young, fragile age of 11. He realizes he doesn't want me to have regrets about (our mother)- as I have made it very clear, she is his mother too if he plans on marrying me. And I know that his own ma is looking down, proud of him for this big decision of opening up his home. I feel blessed to have the support and be so loved by someone willing to do this with me.

I know things will pop up that we want to do on weekends or so but her sister and family are willing to help where they can and I know with this being my full-time job--

I will definitely be looking into any resources and help I can find.

If you have taken care of a loved one, and want to share your experiences good or bad, please leave a comment or reach out.

So much love,

I will need the Faith that mom carries during these unknown times...

Jas