2 Years of Mom Living With Us

I can't believe it's been 2 years. And then again I can. It's been a whirl wind to say the least. A lot of emotions, and not seeing eye to eye with my mother. Contemplating how much longer we can handle each other... Also we have to take into account my husband's feelings and how it isn't always easy for him either, having his mother-in-law living under his roof. So it can be a lot.

The reason we had mom move in was because she was previously living in long term care. She didn't love it there, it never felt like "home". I hoped that we could increase her quality of life and help her to enjoy the days while she is still with us. Doctor's told us she didn't have long to live; as she was diagnosed with breast cancer that after getting a double mastectomy, she wasn't treating any further and is only supposed to be a matter of time. She is on a medication to keep the rash on her chest from ulcerating. But even then, it isn't going to cure it. Though I know miracles can happen, my mother has accepted death and honestly looks forward to meeting her maker.

The drive home from the Cross Cancer years back when she was given 3-5 years to live-- we couldn't stop crying and at the time couldn't accept the news. Time does wonders and we have been lucky and honored to spend as much time as we've been able to with mom. We are not God, so we have no idea what the future brings, but we just live day by day.

It has been an adjustment to say the least, not having a typical "job" or day to day life as most. But it has been a true blessing because I believe if we hadn't moved mom in, I don't think I would have a song out right now. The extra time I have had at home has given me different opportunities, such as working with a band out of Leduc, having 2 big gardens in the summer that we get a great harvest from, and enjoying and working on our beautiful 8 acre property. Mom loves country living and being out here helps her shopping addiction be restricted to when we go to town. She loves to still keep shops open and support local as best she can. Thrift shopping is her thing and we find some pretty great gems that way.

My partner and I agreed before moving mom in that if we ever found either of us to be miserable due to the situation, she would have to move out. As our relationship does need to be priority. But the lifestyle we have right now has been working because of his job taking him away from home so often, it's nice having her company. And I know he appreciates all the work I do around home to keep everything up to par for when he comes home from a job.

There has been so much that has happened since the last time I wrote a blog post. This past summer we got married, finished the shop, I released my first ever song this fall and recorded it just in time for it to be our first dance song! Mom and I had another busy harvest even though we didn't plant as much as normal due to the wedding being our priority.. We still had a massive pumpkin haul, that we enjoyed (and still are enjoying) gifting pumpkins to our friends and their kids for carving.

Mom kept busy all summer long picking weeds in our yard again. It is one of her favorite past times and keeps her active in the summer months.

Our wild black mama cat had a batch of pure black kittens this fall so mom has been busy taming them on our deck giving them all the love. She is so good with animals. We've given 3 males away so far, and have 2 females left (that Dilan wants us to find homes for). So if you are interested, hit me up please! haha

We just got back from a road trip vacation to Calgary, Banff and Canmore last weekend. Mom hadn't been to the mountains in years so it was nice going with our friend Barb.

We have so much to be grateful for but I will share some struggles I've been facing as well as following up with goals I have for us moving forward:

1) Not having a set schedule with every day being different and dependent on how mom is feeling/ me not having a normal job and being home a lot more. Perks is having flexibility to our schedule and us having more time to work on our property and my music. *GOALS-- To create routine/ structure to our days and even if we have to change plans due to mom's health/ how she is feeling, I still want to feel on my A Game for what's to come that day and be organized. I know that creating a schedule, getting up early( if I don't have late night music gigs), staying dedicated to a "power hour" where I take care of my fitness, and mental health will be a game changer in how I show up for mom and my husband.

2) The added pressure to our marriage. The last thing I want is for my man to resent me because I moved mom into the house. Even though we both agreed in the beginning on it, because he didn't want me to have regrets, we are getting to a point where it would be nice for us to plan long term wise... Because we are wanting to start a family here soon.. GOALS-- To trust in God's timing. That he doesn't give us more than we can handle. To find more resources and help to manage our current situation so we don't have to move mom back into a home. That all of this is making our marriage stronger and God is always testing us and helping us to grow.

3) Still working on boundaries within the family and hard to do when mom lives with us... Not having proper or scheduled breaks from each other. GOALS-- Get more support as mentioned, whether that is private care or govt funded, figure it out to give Dilan and I time to ourselves, or when he is away working, time for myself. Everyone needs breaks at times and it goes both ways for mom to have a break and a change of scene from me too. So praying God guides us to the right people and resources in the next while as we do have our breaking moments where I feel I can't do it anymore.

This journey has helped me become closer to God, and I find that it is during the breaking times that we throw our hands up and pray. God is the one in control and he has a plan for our lives. We have to trust in his plan.

I want to end with a prayer:

"Lord, I pray that you bring ease and strength to whoever is reading this. May they know they are loved and never alone. We always have a friend in you Jesus, and when we feel flustered or overwhelmed, may we be reminded we always have you to talk to. Lord, thank you for another day to be alive. When we open up to others, we can realize we wouldn't want our problems any other way. Lord, help us to be kind to one another and to be grateful for the small things. In your precious name, Amen."

God bless you, thanks for reading,

Jasmyn